Friday, February 6, 2009

Swimmer's Time Out

Dear Michael Phelps,

Ya know what? I'm one of the bejillion fans who has followed your swimming career through two Olympics, and I gotta say, I prefer seeing you like this:

rather than this:

That's a difficult picture to look at.


USA swimming did the right thing by putting you in swimmers "time out" for three months. We forgave you for the drunk driving thing, dating an "exotic" dancer, and we will forgive you for this. We respect your talent, your dedication, your discipline and the fact that you have been living under water behind goggles since the tooth fairy paid you your first visit. BUT, you gotta choose wisely who you "hang" with, pal. The blood money the person took for selling this picture will probably be used for next year's tuition. But, it could have cost YOU 10 jillion times that and a visit to the pokey.

I know your judgment was clouded (pun intended) when you did this. But, everyone is a photographer now. And sadly, you will always be a point, shoot, click, and send away from being embarrassed or in jail if you misstep. No it's not fair and not your choice that you cannot indulge in young adult, albeit illegal, indiscretions without intense scrutiny (from Mommy bloggers like me in my jammies behind a laptop) but that's your reality when you are the Tiger Woods of your sport. Speaking of which, you should have a chat with him on managing fame and fortune and hanger's on and everything else that comes with being the best ever in your sport.

You are a great kid, Michael. And although Kellogg's is dumping you, we aren't. I'm glad you got caught in such spectacular fashion. 'Cause I think you get it this time.

"To whom much is given, much is expected." Don't let all the talent and rewards you've been given disappear in a "puff of smoke."

That stuff really stinks anyway.

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Saturday, January 31, 2009

My American Idol

I am taking a big risk by posting this today. My 8 year old daughter performed the song "This is Me" from Camp Rock at her school talent show last night. She thinks she stunk up the joint. I'd say she did awesome. I couldn't be prouder that she got up in front of several hundred people and sang her heart out.

(They only had two minutes to perform so they had to cut the song off in the middle of it.)

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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Let me make this very clear...

Contrary to some of the comments left on my last post, the historical significance of the Inauguration of our 44th President was not lost on me.

It never was.

And, although I don't need to defend myself, I will.

I watched coverage of the entire Inauguration yesterday with the same sense of joy and optimism that those of you who voted for Obama did. We needed change no matter what party was elected into office. As I said yesterday, I have lived in Northern Virginia for a long time, and I had never seen anything like this before. With tears welling up in my eyes, I had my 8 year old daughter watch Obama take oath and I, in fact, explained to her THE HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE of the ascendance of our first black President. We talked about Martin Luther King, Jr's speech and how neat it would have been for him to be alive to see his dream come true. And how, in fact, his dream isn't limited to black people only, but to all minorities. Including women. And yes, sweetie, someday, there will be a woman president. I explained to her that Mommy didn't vote for Obama because we have some fundamental differences of opinion; however, I also explained to her that Barack Obama is an intelligent man of honor and integrity and will probably do a good job. But most importantly, I told her that that we need to pray for him. Because we need him to succeed. He must succeed. Our country and our livelihood are at stake. I watched and listened to every word of his speech, and I thought it was sobering, en pointe, and excellent. He is truly a gifted speaker and made it known to the world, that he is in charge. And he looked the part.

Politics and religion are polarizing subjects, I realize that. But I take chances on my blog because, well, it's my blog, and this is my place for self-expression. I have always played nice with those I don't agree with, and I appreciate comments with differing opinions. There is a nice way of doing that which most of you did. BUT in case YOU were wondering, the snarky comment YOU deleted appeared in my in-box. So yeah, I saw it anyway.

I try to find the humor in EVERYTHING, and if you have read my blog long enough or know me in real life, that's what I do. The tone of my post yesterday is like most of my posts have been about this election...tongue in cheek. I poked fun at the cost of the inauguration without mentioning that 4 years ago, during a much more prosperous time, George Bush received alot of flack for the cost of his party. And it was alot less than $150 million.

So, no, the historical significance wasn't lost on me yesterday as I watched it unfold from the comfort of my warm home

and my own potty.


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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

$150,000,000 party

January 20, 2009 marks the day that all of you who voted for Obama have waited for.

He has promised change....blah blah blah...they all promise that.

He has promised he will make things better....blah blah blah...they all promise that.

He has promised...well, lots of things....but they all do that.

But before he gets started, today you and your tax dollars are having a $150,000,000 party in his honor,

Let me repeat that in case it didn't register: "Today you and your tax dollars are having a $150,000,000 party in his honor." Yes, a party that you probably aren't even attending. Seriously, can't we just get Judge Judy to swear him in at the Oval Office? Followed by a potluck at the White House cafeteria? It would be cheaper. And that money could be put to better helping people who really need it right now...but I digress...

As a 31 year resident of the DC metro area who has lived here for every inuguration since Reagan, I can tell you that we are ready for this spectacle to be over. OVER I tell ya. I have never seen anything like this. EVER. A radio personality that lives in my neighborhood even tried to rent his house for this week on Craigslist. The asking price: $15,000. Hey, he's just trying to earn back his portion of the party bill he's footing. Smart man.

So, for over a month, we have heard every.last.detail of the preparations. And I mean EVERY.LAST.DETAIL. It leads the newscasts, the talk radio shows, and the newspapers.

Roads are closed.

Bridges are closed.

Businesses are closed.

Schools are closed.

And while it's historic and exciting and thrilling and blah blah blah, there is one I thing I'm sure of:

Even at that price tag,

there still won't be enough porta potties.

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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

It was all a dream...or was it?

Me: sure is quiet in here...Hmmm...wonder if I can come out now?

Blogger police: Come out with your hands up!

Me: Whoa! Who are you and why are you in my blog?

Blogger Police: The blogger police. We got a missing person report. Where've you been?

Me: Sick.

Blogger police: Sick with what?

Me: My son's two day virus from three weeks ago.

Blogger police: His virus was only two days and that was three weeks ago. You've been gone for two weeks.

Me: Yeah, well that's how long I've been sick.

Blogger police: Whatcha been taking for it?

Me: Everything... including cough syrup with codeine I scored from my neighbor.

Blogger police: You mean you shared a prescription drug with someone from the 'hood?"

Me: Oh, did I say that. No I meant I got a prescription from the doctor.

Blogger police: You plan on returning anytime soon?

Me: I guess. It's been so long I forgot I had a blog. Who won the election?

Blogger police: Barack Obama.

Me: Oh yeah, that's right. Wow, that cough syrup sure conjured up some crazy dreams.

Blogger police: Like what?

Me: Well, I dreamt Hillary Clinton was named Secretary of State, Britney Spears was skinny again, gas is down to $1.73 a gallon, the auto industry is about to collapse, and that it was just a few weeks before Christmas. None of that is possible.

Blogger police: Not only possible, it's fo realz.

Me: "Fo realz?" "Fo realz????" Who are you?

Blogger police: OJ Simpson.

Me: OJ Simpson? THE OJ Simpson. Now I know it wasn't "fo realz"...I dreamt you were finally going to jail...

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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Thanksgiving is a time of quiet annual reminder that God has, again, been ever so faithful. The solid and simple things of life are brought into clear focus."

--From one of my very favorite evangelical writers and speakers, Chuck Swindoll.

I am unplugging until the kids go back to school next Monday so I can enjoy my very favorite holiday. Have a great Thanksgiving!

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

MY movie rating system

I have developed a new movie rating system.

It's brilliant actually.

It shall be based on something very technical, insightful, intelligent, and full proof.

Yes, it shall be based on the number of minutes I sleep while viewing it.

The higher the minutes the worse it is. If I didn't nap at all, it will be called an EYE-OPENER, as in I was able to keep my eyes open the entire time.

Now let's start with an example. If you all recall, I loathed (my exact words)Wall-E. I slept for 30 minutes during that movie. That's about as bad as it can get people. It's hard to sleep sitting up much past 30 minutes. Unofortunately, it has now be resurrected on DVD just in time for the holidays. Oh joy.

RATING: 30 minutes

This past weekend we went to the movies with the kids as we've been anticipating the return of the gang from Madagascar. We have seen the first one a jillion a couple of times. It was "crackalacking" funny. It had memorable moments. It had memorable lines. It had a great story line. It was an EYE-OPENER. However, I am sad to report that the sequel is only average. Both my husband and I napped for about 10 minutes during this one. The premise is still funny and the original cast is back. But I can't remember much of the storyline because it was all over the place. Something about a giraffe having a crush on a hippo and a penguin who falls in love with a bobble head. Yeah. Whatever. It was a disappointment.

RATING: 10 Minutes

A movie we saw this summer that is out on DVD now, is Kung Fu Panda. Sadly, I had alot of trouble keeping my eyes open during this one as well and slumbered for 15 glorious minutes. I remember something about noodles and a panda who is adopted by a ...a...umm, oh geez, I can't remember....

Rating: 15 Minutes

Now for the good stuff. Here is a movie that I would see over and over and over because it is really, really entertaining. The music and dancing are fabulous. The storyline is a little bit mature for an 8 and 6 year old who cannot imagine leaving elementary school let alone graduating from high school as the gang from East High are about to do. But overall, it is wholesome, fun, and hands down the best of the three High School Musical movies. I will be purchasing this for myself Little Red Riding Hood.


Another movie that I must own for myself is Kitt Kittredge: An American Girl. This movie is excellent. It has a great message, is suspenseful, well written, and well acted. I highly recommend it.


So, there you have it. My movie rating system. I just can't go wrong with it. Come back next week to see my rating for a little ole vampire movie we've all been anticipating for months.

Care to review any movies you've seen recently?

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Monday, November 17, 2008


Pretenders bug me.

Pretentious people bug me even more.

But, people who pretend to be pretentious just make me laugh.

So I'm at the optometrist having Little Red Riding Hood's eyes examined, and the I'm-not-an-optometrist-but-I-want-to-be-one-someday lady who helped LRRH pick out glasses admires my purse, squealing (seriously squealing):

"OOOHHHH, I love your purse, is that Dolce & Gabbana????"

To which I reply in my library voice, "No, it's Ebay."

Deflated and indigant, her reply was, "OH. I don't do Ebay."

To which I reply, "Oh honey, that's too bad. Because you just thought my $25 purse was the $395 one from Dooney & Bourke not Dolce & Gabbana.

Well, I didn't really say that. I bit my tongue, smiled, and said nothing.

It was best that way.

But believe me I thought it.

Because, if you're gonna pretend to be prententious, at least get your designers straight.

$25 from Ebay

$395 from Dooney & Bourke

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Meet My Pet...His Name is Peeve

Please don't collapse from shock that I am posting three days in a row.

I can't believe it myself.

But, I didn't want to give "Anonny" any more air time on MY blog.

So in my last post, I referenced two of my blogging pet peeves. I thought it would be fun to elaborate and add a couple more.

Number 1. Listen up, if you have Word Verification, TAKE.IT.OFF.NOW. You won't get spammed. I promise. I have received one spam in almost two years. Big deal. It takes the fun out of leaving a comment when you have to type "xyxoodoasmnhwjixijlsihatewordverification" 10 times because the "m" is actually two "n's" and the "w" looks like two "v's." OFF.NOW. Right after you read this.

Number 2: Comment moderation is nothing but comment jail. TAKE.IT.OFF.NOW. When I first started blogging and didn't know there was such a thing, I left a comment on someone's blog, and it kept disappearing after I hit publish. After the fifth, yes, the fifth try, I realized that my comment was waiting for the blogger police to release the handcuffs and set it free . All five comments subsequently showed up in the comment section. Same thoughts. Different wording on each. Yeah, not one of my finer moments. Again, I have been blogging for almost two years, and yesterday was my first ANONYMOUS comment that was unpleasant. And I left it there. For "Anonny" to look like the stinker he/she is.

Number 3: Lots of content that cause the page to load slowly. Please get out your dustpans and tidy up your sidebar. If not, I will come do it for you.

Number 4: Blogger itself is not a good word processor. As a matter of fact, it sucks as a word processor. And don't get me started on the comments I type that I lose once I hit publish. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that fall into oblivion....not comment jail...into oblivion. And it's never the quick ones that disappear. It's the long witty thoughtful ones that disappear causing me to leave short and less witty ones because I didn't remember what I wrote the first time. ARRGGGH. I just don't understand why they don't publish sometimes. Wait, is that Blogger or Internet Explorer's fault? I don't know whose fault it is, but it bugs me. Alot.

Number 5: Please, please, please, I beg of you, if you mean "lose," don't spell it as "loose." That drives me bonkers. Seriously bonkers. Spell check will check for spelling not context. That is like fingernails going down the chalkboard or the squeak of styrofoam for me.

Things I didn't mention that can be construed as pet peeves are:

Advertisements on blogs. I go back and forth on this one. I haven't put them on either of my blogs because it feels like I am inviting you over for a diet coke with a fresh lemon wedge and pimping you out in the process. I like the feeling of inviting you in because you are my "friend," and I enjoy your company. Not because you can give me something. Like cash. Cash that could pay for a MacBook. Or a new chair. Or a new camera....Well, maybe ads aren't such bad idea. My husband constantly teases me about revving up the ad engine so he can retire. Oh honey, we have a better chance of earning a living with you on the golf tour than depending on my blog to support us. I have a loyal audience, but it ain't that big. Now you just keep on, keepin' on... at that office of yours.

Music on blogs. I used to have music on my blog, but then I realized I was turning the volume off when I was on my own blog. Music I liked. Music I picked. Then I realized that you may not like my music, and I may not like your music. So I dumped it and turned the volume off. I don't care if you have music or not because I don't know if you have music or not. However, I will tell you that after my kids play a round of Webkins and the volume is high, I know who has music and who doesn't...yeeeeyowch that comes in loud and clear. And to those who won't read a blog because they have music, I say turn.down.the.volume. It's that easy.


What are your blogging pet peeves? And for those of you with ads, do you make money? Or do you earn a cup of coffee at Starbucks once a month?

Just curious.

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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Dear Anonymous,

I have two pet peeves in blogging.

Word verification and people who leave mean spirited ANONYMOUS comments.

Even though you said you weren't coming back to my blog ever again, I know you'll probably come back today to see what kind of reaction you got from me after leaving your "comment love" in my last post.


You got me.

It's too bad you didn't get it.

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Monday, November 10, 2008

Oka Bama

Dear President-elect Obama or Oka Bama as my son calls you,

I knew you were going to win.

You know why?

You won the mock elections in all our neighboring schools, elementary through high school, prior to November 4. In Virginia. A state that hasn't voted a Democrat into the White House in 44 years. In a county that typically votes red.

Yup. I knew it.

So...since the parents kids had spoken, I knew it was a done deal.

Here's the irony, my kindergartner voted for McCain, but he was dancing the jig when he found out you, Mr. Oka Bama had won. Because he just wants to say Oka Bama, for the next 4 years. It's kind of like having a favorite football team because you like their helmets.

So Senator Obama, Mr. Obama, Mr. Oka Bama, President-elect Obama, oh heck, can I just call you Barack? It certainly has been a historic week for you and your family and this country. I have to say it is kind of exciting to see what kind of changes you're going to make. As a part of the Evangelical Christian vote, I'm not gonna go all Chicken Little on you now that the Republicans have lost control of everything. I'll hop on board the I-have-to-support-you-because-I'm-an-American too-and-thankfully-you-aren't-Hillary-Clinton-bandwagon, because that's the right thing to do. Now don't get all excited. You know I didn't vote for you. You are way too liberal for me. But you're a'ight as a person. I like you. Yet, I'm a little worried about you keeping all those promises you made because I still don't think you said HOW you're going to keep all those promises you made. And since we're being honest here, I just gotta tell ya, I don't like your running mate much, but since you are young and healthy, I don't think we need to worry about saying the words President...choke choke...Biden anytime soon. Unless of course, you don't quit smoking.

Uh yeah, about that.

Have you quit yet? Because if not, you have to quit that stinky stanky habit.


Is that why Michelle gives you fist pumps instead of kisses?

And really, don't you think you're smoking is gonna leave a funk in the White House and Air Force One? Do your girls know about your nasty habit? And don't even start with me....It's nothing like my diet coke with a fresh lemon wedge addiction. I can stop that anytime. Yup sure can.

Excuse me while I take a sip.

About your girls. They really are cutie patooties. The Washington Post is reporting that all the hoity toity schools in the area are begging you to enroll your kids in their school. Can I ask you something? Do you write that check for tuition yourself? Or do I buy that $20,000 a year education at Sidwell Friends or St.Albans or the Maret School? Just curious.

Back to the schools. You really don't need to put the girls in a private school. I know of a highly rated PUBLIC school about 25 miles west of the White House that would love to edumakate your girls. We have top notch security here, too. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm top security dawg on Friday afternoons. Yeah, I'm sitting in the lobby of my kids' school buzzing people in as we speak. (Well, I was when I first started this post. ) I only let anyone in that has ID...if it says ID, I let 'em in. No one gets past me. No sirree. So I can totally handle your gum-shoe security detail.

And while you are running the biggest, wealthiest, and most blessed nation in the free world, I can hang with Michelle. We can talk about being Mom's in our mid-forties with elementary age kids. We can sip wine, talk "Twilight" and "The Office," hang out on the soccer field with our girls. Do your girls play soccer? Oh they will once they move here. It's a requirement. I'll invite all the other ladies in the 'hood that read my blog, and we can introduce Michelle to the world of Mommy blogging. We'll just set up laptops in my house, have a blogfest, organize PTO fundraisers, find a breeder for the First Puppy you've promised your daughters, design an exit strategy for the troops in Iraq and get Wall Street back on track. Us mommies are good at multi-taking, ya know. Michelle could also join us in Bunco once a month. She just needs a little bit of cash for that. Speaking of which, do the President and First Lady carry cash? Because I really can't see you all whipping out dollar bills at the 7-11 for Big Gulps, slurpees and cheese doodles en route to anywhere. And do you have a credit card? It's Amex isn't it? When does the President pull out the AMEX? Do you ever have to pay for anything? Do you have direct deposit? Do you or your wife shop online? How does that work when you type in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on the order form? And when was the last time you drove a car? I'll bet you zip around in a Range Rover dontcha? If you're ever out in the Virginia suburbs, honk and wave....and watch the speed limit.

As you see, I have alot of questions, Mr. Obama. None of which pertain to anything important, but I'd love to sit down and chat with you about more unimportant things. We'll leave the important stuff to another day.

In light of that, I'll have my peeps get in touch with your peeps. Wait, I don't have peeps. Oh well.



Hey bloggy friends...what would you ask President-elect Obama if you could?

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Thursday, October 30, 2008

I've discovered......

I've discovered that it has been 10 days since I last posted.

I've discovered that opening my reader after not opening my reader for two weeks is.not.a.good.thing.

I've discovered that the longer I let it go, the more stressed I became for not posting or reading.

I've discovered that getting stressed about blogging is just sick sick sick.

I've discovered that it is alot harder to admit that I'm, ya know, 45.

But, he will be 46 next week. Love ya, sweetie!

I've discovered that my brother-in-law who reads daily during lunch doesn't understand why I can't post daily.

I've discovered that he reads a couple of your blogs as well and doesn't understand why you all can't post daily either.

I've discovered that I like going to bed at 10:30 and waking up fresh and rested for the day.

I've discovered that I have a really long to-do list.

I've discovered that I am so sick of this election and the candidates and the mudslinging and the voters thinking THEIR candidate is the one to put us on the right track. Because folks, the only one that can put us on the right track is the one that is on his knees daily seeking guidance from the creator of this world. And near as I can tell.....well, I'm just not gonna go there.....

I've discovered that I am not a Sarah Palin fan. Or is it Tina Fey? I'm still confused. She is nice and smart and pretty. But at the end of the day, she has a child with down's syndrome that needs her so much more than we do. I have seen what my friends with DS babies go through. You can't turn that over to the White House nanny. Oh there isn't one? You know it's coming.

I've discovered that having a 6 bin sorting system for laundry in my closet has revolutionized my life.

I've discovered that if you just take one of these baskets down every day of the week, that you can in fact keep up with your laundry.

I've discovered that I'm nuts. But you already knew that.

I've discovered that my husband gave me the okay to buy new carpet for the house 6 months ago, and I'm still twiddling my thumbs.

I've discovered that Christmas is two months away, and I'm still stuck in August.

I've discovered that I really don't like cold weather.

I've discovered that an 82 year old college head football coach can still get it done and just might be in the middle of an extraordinary season that could finish-out with a story book ending to an exemplary coaching career done the right way with integrity and honor.

I've discovered that my dad still can and enjoys pushing my buttons. Did I mention my Dad looks exactly like Joe Paterno...mannerisms and all.

I've discovered that my daughter and are too much alike, and I need to keep my eyes wide open to that knowledge as a preemptive strike for the teen years and the inevitable clashes.

I've discovered that these little glasses make it a whole lot easier to read.

I've discovered you can buy them in the dollar spot at Target. So I bought three, tortoise with rhinestones, and these giraffey looking ones.

I've discovered that I HATE every recipe and meal I've cooked for the last three years, because those are the only recipes and meals I have cooked for the last three years.

I've discovered that I am really sick of turkey and/or tuna sandwiches for lunch.

I've discovered this Webkin in very odd spots around the house after my son leaves for school. He is the only dog we will ever have. He isn't alive, but he annoys me as much as real dogs. And please don't tell me how nice YOUR dog is. They all lick, sniff and stink. End of story.

I've discovered that a whole lot of people land on my blog using the key words "boobie milk" because of this post .

I've discovered that there is a lot more time to blog during the summer.

I've discovered that life is really busy right now.

I've discovered that I can't post daily because it still takes me too long to post.

I've discovered that I have been sitting here working on this for over two hours.

I've discovered I need to go potty.

Right now.

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Monday, October 20, 2008

Cheating Again

Ok...I know you all are as sick of looking at my right eye as I am, so I thought I would put up a quick post of something I've seen floating around the blogosphere. I took this 4 question test which supposedly determines what type of blogger I am. I'll let you decide if it is accurate or not because apparently I am:

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.

You have a heart of gold and are likely to blog for a cause.

You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!

A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

Okay, let's report in everyone. What type of blogger are you according to this very scientific test?

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Friday, October 17, 2008


I am really, really horrible about following through on these meme things that travel through the blogosphere . However, I have been tagged 3 times recently for the same meme that requires you to reveal 6 random things about yourself. Once I got the third one, I decided, ah what the heck. It'll be a relatively easy post as it is one that won't require me to spend an hour or more typing it. (Or at least it shouldn't.) Because we all know that I am freak that takes forever to write posts.

Oh wait, I need to stop and go watch "The Office." I'll be right back.

Okay, I'm back. Let's recap tonight's episode of "The Office" shall we. Dwight gave birth to a watermelon. Michael threw a baby shower for himself. And sadly, Jim and Pam didn't say "I love you" to each other at the end of their goodnight call. Sigh. Trouble's a brewin.

Now, where were we. Oh yeah, random things about me.

Alas Amy Kay , Julie, and Karen , I have procrastinated long enough. As you requested, here are six random things about me:

Here goes:

1. I wear a size 7 shoe. BUT, I wore a size 6 pre-kids. My girly girl doc said she went up TWO sizes after kids. That whole phenomena baffles me. Did that happen to any of you?

2.I am a die hard...I mean die-hard, Penn State football fan. I schedule my Saturdays around watching PSU play, because THAT is appointment TV for me. And, of course, I watch all the reporting on ESPN afterwards.

3.This is my right eye. Wow. The ends of my hair are really light right now and I look kind of blotchy...oh well. Hey, it doesn't get any more random than this peeps.

4. I wore braces for 7 years. YES, SEVEN, S-E-V-E-N years. I got them on when I was 13 and had them removed when I was 20. Do you know how many rubber bands I went through? Sheesh. I hated those things.

5. This is my 495th post. Yup only 5 more till I hit 500! Don't expect a big party and gifts. We have established how much I hate holding contests.

6A. I was born on October 17, 1963.

6B. Today, I am turning for...for...for...ugh, I can't get the word out...Connie, I need help,...ffffff-forty-five.

There I said it. Today I turn 45.

Woo hoo. hoo hoo hoo....

Now all of you are tagged. Go back to your blogs and scribble out your randomness for all of us to see.

Meanwhile, I am going to have lunch with the girls.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Pick Up Lines

So Little Red Riding Hood comes home from school a couple of weeks ago and tells me that one of the little boys in her class always turns red when he talks to her. She then says, "Mom, I just don't understand it."

I do. You do. My husband and I are glad she doesn't. Yet.

So a couple of days ago, we were talking about school, and I asked if this little boy had been talking to her lately.

She said "Yeah, today he told me he loved my cursive." Trying not to bust out laughing I asked her, "He told you he "loved" as in "l-o-v-e-d" your cursive?" LRRH replied, "Yup."






So there you have it people...

Third grade pick up lines.


Note to V: It wasn't the Big Bad Wolf. The boyz in the hood are like her brothers.

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Sunday, October 12, 2008

How much do you blog daily?

I am very curious about how much time other people spend blogging, either reading them or keeping their own. Since I don't think people will answer honestly in the comment section, I set up the poll in my sidebar.

Will you play, purdy please?

All you lurkers can play too because I know you're there. And I love ya;)

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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Oh yeah. I'm going there.

I've decided that I, too, can run for President.


All I have to do is say, "I want change. I want the troops out of Iraq. I want to get Bin Laden. I'm going to cut taxes. I'm going to fix the economy. I'm going to fix health care."

And the beauty of it is, that I don't have to tell you HOW I'm going to do it.

Because I don't really know how to.

And near as I can tell,

neither do our current candidates.


However, I do have a couple of things I need to say to them.

Mr. Obama: You're a nice guy, charismatic, different, and not Hillary Clinton. But you are so far left of me on so many issues that, I just can't.

Mr. Biden: Are you really running for VEEP? Really? Hmmm. What was that you said about Obama not being ready to run this country? And even after that, they STILL picked you. Wow. What changed your mind? Oh that's right, they PICKED you.

Mr. McCain: Umm. Based on my political leanings, I should vote for you. But I set out in a cold rain with an infant 8 years ago to vote AGAINST you in the Virginia primary leading up to the 2000 election. I'm not convinced. Now what?

Mrs. Palin: Are you really Tina Fey? Because I gotta tell you that I am getting confused these days on who is who and that is a concern. Will Tina be in the White House playing you? And as much as I admire you, your pregnant teen daughter and infant child with Downs Syndrome need you more than we do right now.

What does all this mean for me?

I don't know.

But right now, I think I'm voting for her instead.

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Monday, October 6, 2008

Backpack Armor

As a follow up to my last post, I have learned that the situation in which my daughter learned such a lovely new word was not in fact at school. It was in a situation outside of school with some neighborhood kids. That whole situation segues nicely with what I am about to discuss....

Last summer when my kids were at Vacation Bible School, my daughter came home and asked me if the schools in Virginia were among the worst in the country. I about choked. I asked her why she would ask that. She told me that one of the little girls in her VBS class mentioned that she was being homeschooled because her Dad said that Virginia was among the worst schools in the country. SIGH... Oh that SIGH wasn't loud enough for you...let me SIGH a little LOUDER. My reply, "No sweetie, you are fortunate to live in a part of the country and in a part of the state with some of the TOP public schools in the nation." Umm. Mister, thanks for nothing. And you shouldn't tell your kids fibs like that.

Here's a newsflash folks. I am a born again Christian, and, gasp, I don't homeschool. And I don't intend to. Ever.


Because that isn't where the Lord wants my kids.

And He has made that abundantly clear to us. What about private school? Nope. We've paid money and enrolled them them in a private a Christian school before only to have Him slam that door on us making it clear that HE wants my kids right here. Right now. Where they are. In our local PUBLIC elementary school.

I have never, ever been led to homeschool. I am fascinated with those of you who do, and I applaud you for heeding the call to do it. Your curriculum is rich and interesting and you don't have to deal with all the admin/behavior issues of a class with 25 differing personalities and backgrounds. And, most importantly, you are doing what is right for YOU and YOUR family. But as a friend of mine from church who lives in my neighborhood and actually does homeschool has reminded me over the years, WE CAN'T TAKE ALL THE LIGHT OUT OF THE SCHOOLS, and she is right. My kids are a light, and my daughter is sensitive to the fact that not everyone believes the same things we do. Even at a young age, it saddens her sometimes that not everyone knows Jesus in a real and personal way...including members of our own family. She gets it. She is 8, and she gets it. That is why HE wants HER in the public school. And there is one thing I am sure of, she will be used in a mighty way one day to witness to her friends.

So what do I do to protect them from a world that celebrates Halloween like a national holiday but doesn't allow us to acknowlege Christmas in our public schools?

We pray they leave the house for school. We pray together as a family for a veil of protection over them, the school, and the teachers. We pray that He will roam the hallways even though He's technically not allowed to. (Ha! He is God. He's roaming those hallways even though the government says He can't.) We give thanks for the wonderful teachers we have and their willingness to not only work with these kids but with the parents around here who are highly educated and expect alot. We pray that the kids' eyes and ears will be closed to the things He doesn't want them to hear and opened to the things He does want them to hear (I guess I better start praying over play dates as well, as a result of , ahem, last week's little situation) And you know what? The Lord honors those prayers.

You know what else we do? We put Jesus in their backpacks.


Both my kids went to a Christian pre-school where one of the songs they sang everyday was "Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory Glory. Rise and shine..." In the transition to public school kindergarten my son came home singing, "Rise and Shine, and say good morning to my friends" or something along those lines and didn't understand why the words had changed. I explained to him that you aren't allowed to use the words "God" and "Jesus" at school.

"But why, Mommy?"


"It's hard to explain, Buddy, but you know what, you can take Jesus with you to school anyway."

"How, Mommy?"

"Let's just put Him in your backpack. " And without blinking an eye, we pretended we were putting Jesus in his backpack.

The next day, I heard him packing his snack bag and folder in his backpack. And the last thing he said was, "OK, Jesus, it's time for you to get in there."

My heart just melted.

Oh how I want to keep them in a bubble forever. But alas I can't. So all I can do is give them the armor....

11Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Ephesisans 6:11

and leave the rest to Him.

I don't know where you are spiritually, but pray over your kids. Everyday. You'll see a difference in your life and theirs.

Note: Please know that this post isn't meant as an indictment on homeschooling. No way, no how. My point is that all of us need to do what is right for our own families, but most importantly, we need to be praying over our kids no matter what we do.

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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Those *%^$^$^ Boys

Little Red Riding Hood: Dad, what does F&CK mean? (uh yeah, that "F" word)

The Man: Excuse me, what did you say?

LRRH: What does F%CK mean?

The Man: Where did you hear that?

LRRH: The boys at school were talking about it being on a wall somewhere.

The Man: Well, it's a very bad word.

LRRH: Why?

The Man: It just is. Do you hear Mom and Dad ever say it?


The Man: That's because it's a very very bad word.

LRRH: Oh. I promise I won't ever say it.

End of conversation.

Third Grade, people. She learned the "F" word in Third friggin' grade. I was in high school when I first heard that word. Sigh.

The damage is done, and my sweet baby girl's ears will never be the same again.

As a result, I'll never be the same again.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

And the Winner is.....

Random Integer Generator
Here are your random numbers:

Timestamp: 2008-09-29 18:02:04 UTC

On thank goodness it was a low number. That means I didn't have to count very far down the comment list. Counting and scrolling and scrolling and counting makes my head hurt. And I'm always afraid I'm gonna mess it all up. I told ya I hate these contests.

Oh, oh yeah, who is number NINE???

Drum roll please.....

Mandy @ Hipp is My Middle Name

Come on down you have just won your very own copies of the first two books in the Twilight series! Let me get my kids allowance money together so I can trot off to the UPS store and ship these books to ya.

And FYI, about my last post, yeah, ummm, my battery died fifteen minutes after I published it. So I didn't get much guilt free blogging done. I had to read the Washington Post and get more depressed about that stinkin' financial bailout that is gonna cost you and I an arm and a leg. Note to all you people that bought more house that you could afford and to the predatory lenders, and yes I call it predatory when you know people are living on the edge, that allowed it to happen, you, you, you , you all should be ashamed of yourselves. Makes me so friggin' mad.

Enough ranting.

Congratulations, Mandy! I'll be in touch.

Nice segue huh?

On a totally unrelated subject, PENN STATE ROCKS!!!! NUMBER 6 IN THE POLLS. Thank you USC, Georgia, Florida, and Wisconsin. You just let us in the door to contend for it all.

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Guilt Free Blogging

Pssst....Listen, I have discovered the secret to guilt free blogging.

Shhh. Keep it down ladies.

I have to whisper.

Why? Because I am in the lobby of my kids' school

.... blogging

...and volunteering.

Oh yes I am.

Volunteering while blogging equals guilt free blogging.

How'd I work that out you ask?

Well, many of you know I live in Virginia, and after the VA Tech shootings, our county decided they would "protect" (hahahahahha teeee heeheehee, yeah right) the kids from such violence by installing a security type doorbell/camera outside the elementary schools. When you visit the school for any reason, you press the button and then present identification. Someone then buzzes you in. It's been a pain in the tooty tot for the school office staff because they contantly get interrupted to manage this. So I volunteered to come in on Friday afternoons for three hours to give them a reprieve. Yeah, so basically, if someone has an axe to grind with the school, I am the first one the're gonna take out. The staff and principal have promised me many gifts...diamond studded bookmarks, books to read with the diamond studded bookmarks, flowers, chocolate...etc. What they don't know is that they are doing me a favor by allowing me to read or "work" guilt free. Shh. Don't tell them, I may need to call in a favor sometime.

So here I am, buzzing people in, pinky waving the kids I know as they walk by...oh wait there's Hunka Hunka wearing a hard hat and a vest. "Hi Mom, I'm the messenger today. I'm taking the "tendence" folder to the office." "That's great buddy. See you later."

Seriously here comes my daughter for lunch. Lemme just stop and pinky wave. Oh wow, I think she gave me a wave or was she swatting me away?

Yeeaaah, "This is the Life." I've got my Perrier, my laptop, and three hours of guilt free blogging. The only thing I'm worried about is my laptop battery staying juiced enough for me to finish. If it doesn' t, this post will end in mid

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Blog Cheating...Again

I've been cheating lately.

Cheating when I blog.

Cheating by asking YOU all questions instead of sitting down to take the time to compose something of substance.

I have three great posts written in my head. They have been written in my head for weeks now. But, it takes me sooooooo long to compose my posts that I just haven't been able to sit down and write them without feeling guilty about not tending to other things. And, since I am only blogging in the evenings these days, it's hard to keep up with all my blogging duties, write alot, and get to bed before midnight.

So today, I am cheating again. Cheating because it is 8:31 in the morning, and I am quickly posting this before I get sucked into it for the next hour or so. And cheating because I am going to ask you all another question. I was curious how long it takes YOU to write a post. Posts like should take me fifteen minutes. It won't. I guarantee it. Most of my posts take a minimum, yes, a minimum of an hour and most take up to two hours. I write, edit, re-write, edit...blah blah blah. That's why I can't post everyday. Between managing Blog Around the World (which I thoroughly enjoy doing), reading all your great blogs (which again, I am woefully behind on doing), and writing posts here, I could be parked in my office chair, behind my laptop twelve hours a day watching my butt get bigger. Yeah, that's a problem. I seriously started back on the treadmill this week just in case I might be going on a trip somewhere in the near future. I don't know where. Someplace.

We've established that I am freak who likes to iron, but am I the only freak that takes that much time to compose a post? And if you don't have a blog, what's stopping you?

Just curious.

PS...It is now 9:02 am....which means it took me 31 minutes to type this post. I rest my case.

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Sunday, September 21, 2008

Edward and Bella

I knew that would grab your attention. Now don't faint ladies. But, I HAVE to give these away.

Gasp! Why am I getting rid of these you ask? Well, because I have two sets of them. I read Twilight in paperback and then ordered the whole set in hardcover for myself. I planned on sending my copy of Twilight and a new copy of New Moon to my friend Julie in Hungary who is dying to know what the craze is all about. The second book New Moon, arrived on my doorstep Friday. Yes, just as Julie was being announced the winner of a contest Darcy was having. The prize? Yup, the. same. two. books. Dagnabit. She broke the news to me Saturday morning. I'm not bitter. No. Not at all. Her suggestion: "You should have a give-a-way." Yeah, that's a great idea. Except I hate contests. The pressure. What if someone wants to audit the results if let's say one of my neighbors wins so that all I have to do is walk the books down the street instead of spending my daughter's allowance to ship them somewhere else in the world? Not that that would happen or anything. Nope.

Ummm, I need to interrupt this broadcast to comment on the Emmy's for a minute. Does anyone else besides me think Oprah looks, ya know, a little plump again? Not that there is anything wrong with that...seeing as I can't fit into any of my jeans right now. Sigh. And I am blaming all of you.

Back to my

Now because these books really are ALL that, and you all continue to come back and read my drivel, I want to give them to someone who hasn't experienced the phenomenon that is Twilight. I promise that you too will fall in love with Edward, Bella and Stephanie Meyer (the author.)

Emmy update: Does anyone else think Kathy Griffin is like fingernails on a chalk board? And my word, did she have some "work" done?

So I know you are wondering what you have to do to win these treasures. Nothing. Well except leave a comment here and tell me your favorite TV show right now. I only watch two shows on TV, "The Amazing Race" and "The Office" which is my hands down favorite show ever. I can't wait for Thursday! Why do I want to know your favorite TV show? I don't know. It's just another one of my dumb questions that I like to ask.

Another Emmy interruption. Alec Baldwin??? Alec Freakin Baldwin beat out Steve Carell for Best Actor? Are you kidding me? It's rigged. I want a recount.

That's it gang. So do you want to know what the Twilight phenomenon is all about? Then let me make your dream come true...blah...blah...blah...

Oh yeah, polls close at midnight EDT Sunday, September 28. I will pick a winner on Monday, September 29, 2008.

Again, in full disclosure, the Twilight book is used (by me). But New Moon is brand spanking new.

Over and out.....

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Friday, September 19, 2008


I don't know how many of my readers here read my other blog, Blog Around the World, but on Friday's I have a guest blogger. They are usually bloggers that I enjoy and want to share with everyone else. Today is one of my very favorites, Susan from Short on Words . She is a spectacularly gifted photographer. Please click here, to see what I'm talking about. You won't be disappointed.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008


I have a personal question for you....

This is a good one....

It really helps me visualize you all even more....


Here goes....

Like all my dot dot dots.... or ellipses or eclipses or whatever you call them....

Am I bugging you with them............

I know it bugs my real life friend Lauren....this is for her......since I know she is reading.....Oh yes Lauren, I remember....Love ya ;)

Uh Debbie, can you get on with it...please....

Oh the question, right....


How Tall are you?

I'll go first.....

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Oh that's nice

Those are the only words that came to my mind Monday during an exchange I had with a teacher at my kids' school.

So, Monday morningish, I went up to school to do some copying for Little Red Riding Hood's teacher. While I was at the copy machine, a teacher I didn't recognize, a NEW teacher I gathered, walked up. Being the ever obedient rule follower that I am (sign somewhere that says teachers have copy machine right of way), I finished what I was doing to let her "cut" in front of me. Not a problem. As I was gathering my things she says,

and I quote,

"Oh Mondays (loud sigh). Kids don't want to be here. And the teachers don't want to be here either."

Oh yes she did.

We are two weeks into the school year, peeps, and she was already complaining. And she's friggin NEW!

Like I said, all I could think of was "Oh that's nice, and my kids DO want to be here thankyouverymuch." Can I add "wench" to that? No? Dagnabit.

Here's the thing. She had no idea who I was. Meaning, I could have been the parent of one of her students. I was stunned. I just smiled and didn't say a word. What could I say, "Yeah, I'm so glad you are here edumakating these kids with that crappy attitude, (I'm sorry. I hate that word, but it is so fitting for this situation.) but lady you just gave me a great blog post."

Now that I'm "Monday morning quarterbacking," I can think of lots of things to say,

but I'd like to say it to the Principal.

Oh, I wouldn't. I couldn't. I won't. I'm just venting.

But still.

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Monday, September 15, 2008

My Secret

Kat at Sunshine and Lemonade has revealed a big secret about herself today. She has revealed her political leanings. Gasp! She thought that we wouldn't be friends anymore once I read it. Au contraire. I heart Kat. My political leanings aren't a big secret if you've hung out with me long enough. But I am not here to discuss that. I am here to discuss this :

and what I'm going to do with it this week. Because my secret, is that I decorate. And I decorate for other people. Gasp again. I am not a professional, and I don't have any experience other than helping friends and family ...and maybe, perhaps I have a little bit of vision of how things should/could look. I've even helped a couple of people I don't know who have been referred by other friends. Crazy. Scary. I won't let people pay me because I don't have any edumakation in it. I just enjoy the creativity and helping them. Although...I do have a Kirkland's gift card sitting staring me in the face right now from a friend who felt compelled to "compensate" me after I helped rearrange furniture in her basement. I have had a couple of friends and my Mom ask why I don't talk about decorating on my blog. Well, because that isn't what I came here to talk about, and most importantly, I just suck at taking pictures. It's the truth. And without good pictures, it just never looks as good as it does in real life.

So why talk about it now? Because I need some motivation to get some things done. I still haven't re-done my powder room that I've had the paint and accessories for, for months, and I still haven't bought the carpet for my upstairs that I complained about not doing months ago, too. And I still haven't painted the kitchen table or the living room coffee table....ahhh the list goes on. So who do I go to for accountability? My laptop friends of course! Now that I am refreshed from my "blog- cation," I am going to attempt to work on these projects as mojo for my blog posts. It's the old killing two birds with one stone...blah blah blah...However, I might need a better camera. birthday is coming up....or maybe I should just learn how to use the one I have. Oh I can see it now, The Man is squirming in his office reading this and shaking his head mumbling "Does it ever end?" And my answer is NOPE. Never.

So this week I am off to help my friend Jennnifer (who doesn't have a blog or I 'd link her) pick paint for her kitchen walls and island and cabinets. And no, Jennifer, you don't need to give me a gift card, or money or anything. A Diet Coke with a fresh lemon wedge will do just fine.

Do you have any interesting secrets you'd like to share?

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