Monday, November 10, 2008

Oka Bama

Dear President-elect Obama or Oka Bama as my son calls you,

I knew you were going to win.

You know why?

You won the mock elections in all our neighboring schools, elementary through high school, prior to November 4. In Virginia. A state that hasn't voted a Democrat into the White House in 44 years. In a county that typically votes red.

Yup. I knew it.

So...since the parents kids had spoken, I knew it was a done deal.

Here's the irony, my kindergartner voted for McCain, but he was dancing the jig when he found out you, Mr. Oka Bama had won. Because he just wants to say Oka Bama, for the next 4 years. It's kind of like having a favorite football team because you like their helmets.

So Senator Obama, Mr. Obama, Mr. Oka Bama, President-elect Obama, oh heck, can I just call you Barack? It certainly has been a historic week for you and your family and this country. I have to say it is kind of exciting to see what kind of changes you're going to make. As a part of the Evangelical Christian vote, I'm not gonna go all Chicken Little on you now that the Republicans have lost control of everything. I'll hop on board the I-have-to-support-you-because-I'm-an-American too-and-thankfully-you-aren't-Hillary-Clinton-bandwagon, because that's the right thing to do. Now don't get all excited. You know I didn't vote for you. You are way too liberal for me. But you're a'ight as a person. I like you. Yet, I'm a little worried about you keeping all those promises you made because I still don't think you said HOW you're going to keep all those promises you made. And since we're being honest here, I just gotta tell ya, I don't like your running mate much, but since you are young and healthy, I don't think we need to worry about saying the words President...choke choke...Biden anytime soon. Unless of course, you don't quit smoking.

Uh yeah, about that.

Have you quit yet? Because if not, you have to quit that stinky stanky habit.

Seriously.

Is that why Michelle gives you fist pumps instead of kisses?

And really, don't you think you're smoking is gonna leave a funk in the White House and Air Force One? Do your girls know about your nasty habit? And don't even start with me....It's nothing like my diet coke with a fresh lemon wedge addiction. I can stop that anytime. Yup sure can.

Excuse me while I take a sip.

About your girls. They really are cutie patooties. The Washington Post is reporting that all the hoity toity schools in the area are begging you to enroll your kids in their school. Can I ask you something? Do you write that check for tuition yourself? Or do I buy that $20,000 a year education at Sidwell Friends or St.Albans or the Maret School? Just curious.

Back to the schools. You really don't need to put the girls in a private school. I know of a highly rated PUBLIC school about 25 miles west of the White House that would love to edumakate your girls. We have top notch security here, too. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm top security dawg on Friday afternoons. Yeah, I'm sitting in the lobby of my kids' school buzzing people in as we speak. (Well, I was when I first started this post. ) I only let anyone in that has ID...if it says ID, I let 'em in. No one gets past me. No sirree. So I can totally handle your gum-shoe security detail.

And while you are running the biggest, wealthiest, and most blessed nation in the free world, I can hang with Michelle. We can talk about being Mom's in our mid-forties with elementary age kids. We can sip wine, talk "Twilight" and "The Office," hang out on the soccer field with our girls. Do your girls play soccer? Oh they will once they move here. It's a requirement. I'll invite all the other ladies in the 'hood that read my blog, and we can introduce Michelle to the world of Mommy blogging. We'll just set up laptops in my house, have a blogfest, organize PTO fundraisers, find a breeder for the First Puppy you've promised your daughters, design an exit strategy for the troops in Iraq and get Wall Street back on track. Us mommies are good at multi-taking, ya know. Michelle could also join us in Bunco once a month. She just needs a little bit of cash for that. Speaking of which, do the President and First Lady carry cash? Because I really can't see you all whipping out dollar bills at the 7-11 for Big Gulps, slurpees and cheese doodles en route to anywhere. And do you have a credit card? It's Amex isn't it? When does the President pull out the AMEX? Do you ever have to pay for anything? Do you have direct deposit? Do you or your wife shop online? How does that work when you type in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on the order form? And when was the last time you drove a car? I'll bet you zip around in a Range Rover dontcha? If you're ever out in the Virginia suburbs, honk and wave....and watch the speed limit.

As you see, I have alot of questions, Mr. Obama. None of which pertain to anything important, but I'd love to sit down and chat with you about more unimportant things. We'll leave the important stuff to another day.

In light of that, I'll have my peeps get in touch with your peeps. Wait, I don't have peeps. Oh well.

Regards,

Debbie


Hey bloggy friends...what would you ask President-elect Obama if you could?


post signature

61 Comments:

TattooedMinivanMom said...

I heart Diet Coke too.

That's all I'll say.

Julie said...

it is fun to see you blogging on your own blog!

Zach left today for America and you will be seeing him soon... he has treats for you :)

Wish I was going to be there!

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

You write very well!

I didn't know he smoked!

psychoknitter said...

I'd ask him if he's going to be sensible. Are you Barry O? Will you be? You better be....

Steph said...

awesome awesome post! what the heck is up with everyone getting all familiar and calling him Barack?? I definitely wanna know who's paying for that private school education!

Mama Wheaton said...

I didn't know he smoked either. I'm not sure what I would aks him, I'll have to get back to you.

Vicki said...

I know exactly what I'd ask him: can I please see your very first, original birth certificate? He wouldn't oblige though.

Rene said...

Girl you crack me right up!!! I want to know if they ever go shopping for clothes or if they are just brought to them.

Melissa said...

I was just going to echo what Vicki said. I don't get this. What's the big deal? If he was born in HI, prove it. I don't want to see a scanned copy, I want to see him holding the real, embossed live birth certificate.

I hope as president he can fix spell check on my computer. It keeps wanting to change his name to Osama. Can you fix that, Mr. President? Please don't kill me for asking.

Is this comment being traced? Okay, paranoia has officially taken root in my head. Who is this man we just elected? I mean really. (okay, Deb, I'm stepping down off of my soapbox now).....

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

I would ask him why he hired the same ad company to do his posters as do the KFC logo... (see my post today for more info on that)

And I would TELL him that had he been more forthcoming about his feelings about Target, I might have actually voted for him, provided he gave the right answer.

Suzanne said...

Amen sister on all counts.

I was just thinking that perhaps Michelle could homeschool. That would certainly take alot of pressure off the Secret Service. And hey, she's Harvard educated so certainly she's capable.

I clicked through some link and read up on his healthcare plan. Hmmmm, I didn't see anything about a way to provide healthcare to the unemployed/uninsured. I thought that was part of the ideology that got him elected. You know, a chicken in every pot.

Gotta run. Me and the neighbors are all going to join hands and sing Kumbaya.

- Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife

heather said...

This was a fun read. :)

Melissa Lester said...

Mary Ashley was so surprised that Obama won because all but one kid in her K4 class voted for McCain. I guess she thinks Jack is the man now since his vote must have been the only one that counted!

I was disappointed with the results of the election, but I could definitely see it coming. Now that Obama has won, I recognize him as president, honor the office, and hope he will do the best for our country.

I have enjoyed seeing the reaction of people of color to Obama's victory and can appreciate what this historic moment means to them. And I'm so thankful that we live in the USA!

SKELLER said...

Oh Debbie,
you totally have Peeps. Check out all these comments!

Thanks for making me smile - this was quite a fun, witty post.

Just one of your peeps,
Susan

Caroline said...

Obama smokes? I didn't know that one, thanks for edumakating me! Now I just might be smarter than a 5th grader.

I think I would ask him what you wanted to ask him...just HOW do you plan to carry out all these promises?

And now I'm singing..."you made me, promises, promises - you know you'll never keep"

Lula! said...

I've said this a billion times this past week, but you asked what I'd ask him, so here goes:

Why are you "black?" Why does having an absent, African-American father automatically make you a black person? Correct me if I'm wrong, but your Mama is white, you were raised by your grandmama, a fine white woman, yet the world insists you are "black."

I do not get this.

I always thought folks with parents of differing races were referred to as "biracial." 'Cause I have a biological nephew who is biracial...he has a black mama and a white daddy.

It's really simple to me. Let's all start calling the man, "America's first BIRACIAL president." Don't you agree, President-elect? Or are we intentionally trying to create more racial strife? It's unnecessary, and unwarranted.

Carrie Thompson said...

I heard from someone in the blogger world- so I might be passing on false info!!!!! that he already has a transition team in place to start downplaying the 'promises' he made during the election! someone in my comment said that. That is crazy.

Great post btw!!!

Denyse said...

He smokes?!!! Cigarettes?Seriously. I didn't know anyone smoked anymore. Now cigars are another story.

Suzanne said...

I agree with Lula...and have said the same all over the web. He is bi-racial and that in fact leads to a more positive public conversation about how the barriers of race can be broken down.

His mother was a cultural anthropologist (my college major) and she would be the first to recognize that he was raised in a white household by a white single parent and grandparents.....so culturally he is white.

All those who bang the drum that color should not matter are the first ones to claim his color. Amazing.

- Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife

P.S. His website asks for suggestions from the common folk on how they would solve the problems. I seriously doubt that anyone is actually going through all those comments and passing them along. Just the act of asking for suggestions seems somewhat ingenuous.

JourneytoFamily said...

Wait... Obama smokes????!!! Ewwwwwww.

Nik said...

I completely didn't know he smoked. I was FINALLY coming to grips that he was going to be president and now you brought that up. If I can give it up - so can he. I mean he IS going to be the president of the United States. Talk about people looking up to you...how many kids say they want to be president when they grow up??? TONS - stop the smoking now.

Tracy P. said...

You are not kidding--the kids are totally enthralled with how his name sounds! So yesterday I was helping in 4 and 5 year old Sunday school. The class was overflowing and a little chaotic (couple of new kids who didn't know the drill, etc.). The lesson was about obeying parents and teachers. The project was painting a picture with the word OBEY. (okaaayy...notagreatproject.) A visiting kid kept yelling NO!!! It's not OBEY! It's OBAMA!

Swirl Girl said...

I wished that I still lived in Maryland - just so I could be closer to the action.

I would ask him if he liked poi, the national food of Hawaii.

and what his favorite color is.
and how he's gonna fix this place.

Piggy said...

We knew he was going to win when the Steelers rocked the Redskins! :D

Adrian said...

I heard that he had quit smoking about six months ago, before all the campaign stuff started.

I am totally an Obama-mama and I was so pleased that he won the election by such a large margin. I'm just excited to have a President who is thinking about US for a change!

As for what I would ask him, I'd like to know if that phenomenal calm is genuine and how he manages to do that? I'd be curled up in a corner sucking my thumb about now with all the pressure he has on him. Wouldn't make for a very impressive photo-op, but that's how I roll....

Amy said...

I would ask him how it feels to have rocked the whole world. How it feels to know that not only the majority of our own country but THE REST OF THE WORLD is jumping for joy and thanking any and every God they pray to that he became President. That's what I would ask him. :)

Ruthanne said...

Debbie - You. Are. Hilarious!!

Gina said...

Being that I'm a little bitter right now, If he were close enough to ask a question... I suppose it would have to be, "President Elect, Sir? Could you please move? I don't wanna breathe tha same air you do."
But, like I said, I'm bitter.

Hearts and Hands said...

Hi, I found your blog through Blog around the world!
I am in Aus. I would ask him if he is going to introduce a health care priogram like us, Canada, and many, many other countries in the world have. I have spoken to others in the States and they have mentioned they would welcome it.
We were very happy also to see the President Elect be Obama. IOh, and I had no idea he smoked!! Just a tad gross.

Melissa B. said...

LOVE this post! It's sort of a DC post in a way, isn't it, you Beltway Insider, you! My Hubz also chokes when he even sees Biden. But I have a soft spot for the guy because of his compelling personal story. And I love Jill! Totally understand, though, why the Oka Bama campaign kept Joe under wraps the last few weeks of the campaign. Talk about a motor mouth!

On a more serious note, thanks for stopping by today and commenting about Beany. The thing that's sad-and scary-about the whole situation is that we're all looking at her disappearance in a sort of suspended animation, because of the nature of the Blogosphere. Please visit the sites of Beany's close Bloggy Friends...you'll get a real feel for the woman and for the case!

Michelle said...

Oh I LOVE those questions. Now I want to know the answers, too.

And is it wrong? I want to know what the smoking rate is going to be now vs 4 and 10 years from now for various young age groups. I'm seriously concerned about a major rise there. "But Mooooooooom, the PRESIDENT smokes. Why can't I?"

*sigh* *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...so you think a grown adult man SMOKING is an issue of national importance, and not the crumbling economy, CEOs making more money that most of us will ever see, having a drawn out unpopular war for oil and all the other stuff that made "liberal" people like me decide our country couldn't take another 4years of conservative Republican politics where they care more about "family values" than acutally valuing families? Interesting where your priorities are. I know one this reading this blog will no longer be MY priority!

Lindsay said...

You know anonymous (who the heck is "anonymous?" That's a stupid name), I could go toe to toe with you on each of those issues and discuss why Obama isn't the right person (especially on Wall Street! Ugh!), but Obama is our President now and I too will support him. Bringing up his smoking habit doesn't mitigate any of those issues and Debbie is well aware of that. So, go ahead. You can take your "tolerance" and leave.

Trish said...

Dear Debbie, You are awesome, but please excuse me while I go back to look for the part in your post where you said that smoking is of "national importance"........

ah yes, you didn't......phew. I thought for a minute I had to forgo the humor in YOUR BLOG post in order to scold you for making light of a bad situation.

Well, lucky for us, Anonymous (aka SPINELESS for not leaving a name) has left the building, so we are free to continue to "devalue families" all in the name of conservative Republicanism, because you know that's what we are all about here!

Love ya!! Lots.

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

hey, aren't we your peeps??? surely we could get in touch with his peeps.

Kathi said...

Okay, you are seriously funny, girl!!! This should run in the Washington Post!!! Love u!!!

Elena said...

My kids call him Bohama. So hilarious. I thought of you as I watched the news last night and showed Obama talking about schools for his girls. You should send him a personal note and let him know just how awesome the security is at your school. :) I think I'd welcome Michelle to the bloggy world, think you can convince her. ;)

Mrs de Miranda said...

ewwwww, yucky anonymous user, are you the same one who visited my blog?? Silly ol anonymous, don't you know that tricks are for kids? It's all in fun! Don't get your panties in a bunch! we're all big kids now! :)

Seriously funny! And I am with everyone else! I didnt know he smoked! What the heezy?? Does President Obama watch the TRUTH commercials? Cause they really freak me out. Maybe he missed them while he was campaigning. Maybe when you and Michelle get together you can mention them, she'll make sure he sees them! Or what about those EX commercials?? You know where they are trying to re-learn to do all those habits they had while smoking? Like driving? That one is the funniest! Or drinking coffee!

Okay now that my book is finished thanks for stopping by my place! And I will take anonymous's place and add you to my blog roll cause you are one funny lady! :)

Sharon (sk) said...

I would want to know who the heck did his makeup for all of his 'camera time'? Was it just me or did his lips keep getting darker and darker until they were a purple/black color on election night? LOL

I couldn't even pay attention to his speech because his mouth was so darn distracting.

Sissy said...

say it again! I can't get over the fact that he smokes. not that I've got anything to say about it - being an every great once in a while smoker myself. anywhoooo, great post!

Kat said...

Man! I get behind and I miss all the good stuff.

I live over here in Republicanville...and Madalyn's elementary still said that Obama was going to win. I love the elementary school votes!

And the smoking...I knew that he did. But hasn't he stopped? I sure hope that he has by the time he gets to the White House. For so very many reasons.

And how do schools work there? Is there a public school that the white house is "districted" for? And if they don't go there, they must go private? Or - because it's the White House - they can go where ever they choose??

I so think that Michelle needs a blog :-)

"The Queen in Residence" said...

I agree witha ll that you said. So good of you to say what we have all been thinking. So wish that spineless had the nerve to stand up and say it with her/his face. And one less nutcase lurking here is a blessing. You are still a priority as far as I am concerned.

Gombojav Tribe said...

I'd ask him: "Now that your pay grade has increased, can you tell us when we can call a human a human, 'cause it must be sometime before she is born alive and left in a utility room to die?"

(Too intense for a Tuesday morning?)

Karin @ 6ByHisDesign said...

Wow.

Debbie, I *heartU*

Gombojav Tribe said...

btw, my little ones say OkaBama, too. And they think it's very fun to say.

Michelle said...

At my son's school, only one kid in the entire kindergarten population voted for 'Rock Obama.

I would ask him why he only smiles when he's getting his picture taken. Seems like a miserable person to me to never smile and be happy about his accomplishments.

Ronnica said...

Fun post! The thought of you chatting it up with Michelle Obama makes me chuckle.

Ronnica said...

Fun post! The thought of you chatting it up with Michelle Obama makes me chuckle.

Kerri said...

Wow, had I known he smoked, it might have changed my vote! Seems like most people wanted Nobama not to win anyway.

So we all have bad habits. I'd like to see him break the habit of the typical politicians lying so you hear what they think you want to hear. After we have seen change for the better, he can concentrate on quitting the other dirty habit.

Lucrecia said...

My state went Republican, but my son's elementary school sided with Obama too. I wonder how many kids just wrote something, and how many (like mine) just came home and said "hey, who are we voting for?"

As for the, oh so proud, anonymous - actually, I do think smoking is a national epidemic! I have watched too many of my loved ones die from lung caner to bury my head in the sand and not believe that our government shouldn't be doing more about it!

Nicki & Mathis said...

Just to clarify (because there are too many rumors circulating right now), Obama has a past history of smoking, but quit before the current presidential campaign. You can read all about it at snopes.

Darcy @ LWM3B said...

Hey Anonymous -

Ya' big fat coward.

sign yer darn name.

That's all I hafta say 'bout that.

DARCY who blogs over at
www.lifewithmy3boybarians.com

Jennifer P. said...

I would say--Hey Barack! Get out of my nook! :)

And I DO think the smoking thing is a big issue. A direct reflection of character and ability to overcome one's impulses (or not be able to). But--having said that, anonymous will probably want nothing to do with me either. The other day they told me I was "boring". They always say the sweetest things....

~*Lisa*~ said...

I seriously sat here in good ol ALABAMA a great big Red(neck) State laughing my head off.

I think I would ask him what to do with Mr. Anonymous and his/her snotty attitude!

I was let down that He won but I feel like no matter what God is still on the throne and I trust him to take care of me not some Politician screaming he is the great HOPE. My thoughts ;)

Lisa said...

I sooooo love this blog! I found you by way of Mrs jones. (love her too)

I would love to ask him a jillion questions, and since this is my very first post to your blog Debbie,I will only ask one.

Why is it that the welfare community in my hometown all eat better than my hard workin 2 jobbin welfare supportin family does?? And you would like to what? Give them a raise and spread my money around?
heaven help us.
Lisa
coastal nest

Joy in the Burbs... said...

I can't believe so many people didn't know he smoked.
I think McCain and Palin missed their chance with the non-smoking voters.
I think that does explain the fist bumps. No kissy kissy with the Missy.

He And Me + 3 said...

Wow! YOu are hysterical. I didn't know he smoked either, but always wondered why his lips always look so purple maybe lack of oxygen? I would have to ask him who did his make-up half the time. "You're Fired"!

Lynette said...

I actually just found out he smoked days before the election, I was shocked too!

Loved this post!!! I think I'd ask the very same questions as you;)

Charity Childs-Gevero said...

tee hee hee... "I can hang with Michelle"... you know, that's something I'd love to do myself, come to think of it! :)

themorrisbunch said...

Ha!

Annonymous.
What a sucker.

I didn't know he was a smoker.
It is a problem.
Especially since he is in such a great position of power, influencing our young nation, who incidently were the majority vote for him.

Big problem.

And as for annonymous, why would you even waste your time leaving such a rediculous comment on this wonderful lady's blog?
Thanks for lowering yourself to be down here with us all.
Can you leave now?

PS. Debbie, I have music on my blog, just in case you visit ;)

Elaine at Lipstickdaily said...

You're a hoot! Wish I could be so funny! I've added you to our blogroll and feeder. Keep on blogging.