School supplies and s....s

Warning: Finish eating first.

Yesterday was the big day to do our school supply shopping. This is our story.

There sits on an elevated corner in a neighboring town, The Three Wise Men: Mr. Kohl's, Mr. Tar Jay, and Mr. Costco. All sharing a parking lot. All sitting in their shiny five year old retail glory. Lording over their smelly brother Mr. Wal Mart that cowers just down the hill across a major road all by it's decades old lonesome, next to a worn out strip mall and Ms. Dolly Dollar Tree. The Three Wise Men also hold court with Lord Michael's, Princess Tuesday Morning, Mr. Staples, some grocery store whose name escapes me, Her Royal Highness Starbucks, Queen Quiznos, Captain Coldstone Creamery and The Reverend Room Store all of which sit in reverence across the street from the Big Three. The Three Wise Men are royal and regal; however, because of the tax free weekend we had in the state of Virginia on school supplies and clothes this past weekend, they were depleted of some things we needed on our list.

Oh No.

You know what that means.

We had to leave the presence of the Three Wise Men, cross the street, go down the hill, and pay a visit to their banished but rich brother Mr. Wal Mart. But before we braved the sights, sounds and smells of the WalMart. We paid another visit to royalty: Burger King who just so happens to guard Mr. Wal Mart. Think Barney Fife if you will. After we ate our fast food victuals, the minions, knowing Mama doesn't like germ-infested play castles, begged to play for a few minutes in said germ-infested play castle. I agreed and sat down with my diet coke (Sadly, no lemon wedge. It was Burger King after all.) and began to strategize how I would strip the kids down when we got home to get all the play area germies off. Oh and I need to get them to their shoes without them touching that disgusting floor. Hmm. Deep thoughts for sure.

So I sat and sipped, sat and sipped, la di da, thinking "dagnabit, I wish I had my book." In the background I hear Little Red Riding Hood say, "watch out for the s....s, Buddy." La di da...What did she say? Oh well. Probably just being bossy.

I continue to ponder what we are going to eat for dinner and vaguely hear LRRH's voice say "Buddy, stay away from the boog...."

Still deep in thought, la di da, I can't wait for football season. I'm not really ready for school to start...dum di dum.... I hear more talking in the background. "Buddy, stay away from the snots." Wait a minute. What did she just say?

And like a slow motion echo, this is what I hear:

"Buddy, Buddy, buddy, stay away, away, away from the snots, snots, snots."

The What? The Huh?

"LRRH, what did you just say?"

"Oh I was just telling Buddy to stay from the snots over here."

Everything came to a halt. Chewing stopped. Heads turned. Did she just say what I think she said?

Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, call the CDC and the fire department. And while you're at it get a bucket cause Mama's gonna hurl, and so is the lady next to me.

"Mom, I was telling Buddy to stay away from the snots in the corner."

"I heard you. I heard you. We all heard you."

"Get out of there NOW."

"But why?"

"We need to go home and shower."

Why, don't I seem to be able to leave my house without some gagifying bodily goo being part of the experience. Why? Why? Why? Didja ever see "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble?" Yeah, well that's gonna be us soon.

Never. Ever. Again.

Ever.

The End.