Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Rhetorically speaking

I have a couple of questions. I don't think you can answer them, but I'm still gonna ask them.

Why do I hate clothes shopping?

Why do I have to hold things out T H I S far to read them?

Why don't my kids listen the first time when asked in a normal voice instead of the 5th time in a, ahem, louder voice?

Why does my husband love and adore ME?

Why am I the only person who doesn't give two hoots what Oprah thinks, does or says?

Why does everyone like those vampire books? I'm still not convinced they are the best EVER.

Why does my laundry procreate the day after all of it is washed, folded and put away?

Why didn't I think of Webkinz?

Why do I pay $155 plus tip every six weeks to get my hair restored to it's natural color?

Why do my kids think they are royalty and that servants are going to show any minute now to do their chores that they daily exclaim are "boring." Duh, it is boring. Do you think I like doing them?

Why can't I seem to make a decision on the new flooring for my second floor?

Why did Jen have to die on Dawson's Creek?

Why did Dawson's Creek have to end?

Why is my brother's wife, aka my sister-in-law, number two on my Mom's speed dial only after her home phone, and I wasn't even listed on the first screen?

Why are gas prices so high?

Why are we really surprised that people are foreclosing on homes at a record pace when aggressive lenders used gimmicky financing for people purchasing homes they couldn't really afford, and now we the taxpayers have to bail them out? Burns. Me. Up.

Why did I schedule my son's 6 year well visit the day after his birthday? Did I mention he has to get a shot? And I haven't told him yet? And today is his birthday.

Why can't we find Osama Bin Laden?

Why do I love and loathe coffee? Love the smell, Loathe the taste.

Why did I go up a size and a half in shoes after I had my kids?

Why am I writing this?

Why are you reading this?

Why don't I trust people?

Why am I so naive?

Why doesn't my sister read my blog, but her husband does?

Why did my political "go to" guy, Tim Russert have to die? Who am I going to listen to now, the unctuous and and annoying, Ann Curry? Who, by the way, according to the Washington Post will have a prominent role in the election coverage and is on the short list to replace Katie Couric Wha? If Katie couldn't get it done, Ann certainly can't get it done.

Why am I addicted to diet coke with a fresh lemon wedge?

Why don't all the people that stop by blogs actually comment?

Why do I blog?

Why do I always feel like an outsider looking in anywhere I go including my own family?

Why does anyone give two licks about Paris Hilton? Did anyone really believe her jailhouse transformation? Vapid. Phony. No talent.

Why did I just use up my blog space typing the name Paris Hilton?

Why did the little boy at the library grab a book out of my son's hand while his mother watched?

Why did I have to use my passive agressive voice with said little boy letting him know that my son was looking at the book and it wasn't very nice of him to grab it hoping his MOTHER would get a clue?

Why are people so stinkin rude sometimes? Like all the people at Target on the weekend. A time that I usually avoid having to run errands because everyone IS so rude. Give me 9 a.m. on a school day to shop anytime. Bliss.

Why did Brett Favre retire only to un-retire a few short months later?

Why is there so much poverty?

Why do athletes make so much money? I get it. I get it. It's business. But still. They could collectively make a dent in poverty just in the US if they weren't so busy building $700,000 swimming pools, and aquariums and indulging in other such extravagances in their back yard like one such NBA player that plays for our home town team.

Why do people cuss? Ugh, I hate bad words. So many more intelligent ways to express yourself than the four letter kind.

Why are Dads more likely to let their kids under 12 sit in the front seat?

Why do some parents let their kids sit in cars unbuckled, flip and flopping all around the back seat?

Why are girls so catty?

Why are boys so sweaty?

Why didn't I listen to my internal "Phony, phony, she's a phony" alert?

Why do we love girl scout cookies?

Why do I want a girl scout cookie and a potato chip right now?

Why do we have all kinds of technology that are supposed to make jobs easier, but the American work day gets longer and longer?

Why am I dreading the start of school now, and it's still five weeks away?

Why I do sometimes get wistful for my kids to be small again?

Why does time seem like it's flying by?

Why didn't Jim ask Pam to marry him?

Why did someone leave pooh on the floor of the bathroom at the pool last week? And not tell anyone?

And finally,

Why do I always feel the need to shower when I return home from a trip to Walmart?

Care to add anything?

And because today is in fact my son's birthday, I am turning off the computer to give him my undivided attention. I am so behind on reading your blogs. But I will catch up with you tomorrow. I promose. After cake.

post signature


Bobbi said...

*** this is me sitting here with my mouth hanging open! Nicely put; don't have any answers but let me get woke up and I may think of a few questions to ask.

Unbelievable post!

Kathi said...

This is funny, witty, and hits the nail on the head.

Thanks for making me think.
You need to submit this post to your local newspaper.

Heather said...

I love your questions and find myself pondering those exact same things many a quiet afternoon.

Have a piece of cake for me!!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

Well...I don't have any answers for you...but I hope a day with your son celebrating his birthday will give you some answers...even if they aren't for these questions.

Midwest Mommy said...

Oh my! I love your questions and I am right there with you on some of them.
But you did remind me I haven't had my coffee yet :-)
Oh and the phone one would piss me off too!

Anonymous said...

I blog because I'm lonely. I'm a SAHM, in a neighborhood where everyone WORKS, and I wish everybody I read on my blog lived in my neighborhood and we could all hang out at the playground. And, Elizabeth and I would totally stop by your house today with a birthday present and she would steal a balloon. :)

Lula! said...

I don't heart Oprah. At all.

And I'm responding to THE other question in an e-mail to you. You know which question. I don't even have to write it out. But I love you!

{Anissa} said...

All these questions get you to thinkging and its to early in the morning for that still drinking coffee -- it is funny that we as mom's can sit there and think about all kinds of stuff -- my thing is I afraid my kids get hurt so anything they do I can come up with a way you can get hurt -- I such a wonder and a worrier. I'm always asking my self alot of those questions.

Steph said...

debbie! you poor thing...how DO you sleep at night with all that floating around your brain??? sad thing is that I've pretty much wondered all the same things.
...and I do occasionally let my kids ride in the front seat, but the air bag detector turns the air bag off when they're up front.

Life With My 3 Boybarians said...

Awwwww... why do I love you so so much?

Because you're deep. *hugs*

Happy birthday, little man.

Karen said...

I'm with you on many of those questions ... I've often asked myself them.

1 ... For me, it's because sizes aren't standard. When you're losing weight and shrink a size, it's out and out depressing to find that with some manufacturers, you've actually gone up two sizes!!

4 ... I have never figured out why people look at and talk about Oprah, like she was the Second Coming or something. I watched her once and never bothered again.

19 ... I've actually googled this question and couldn't find a definitive answer. Perhaps it needs a researcher, whose pregnant wife could no longer fit into the $1000's worth of shoes lying on her closet floor.

21 ... because you are interesting and write interesting stuff like this! :-)

22 ... I don't trust people easily, because I've been hurt and had my trust abused so often.

25 ... I don't know why Tim Russert had to die. I'm still reeling re that one. I miss him.

27 ... I wonder about that one. I notice a number of people, on my 'Live Traffic Feed' who visit almost daily, but never comment. There is one from Auburn University, who checks in every morning during the week, but leaves nothing. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm part of an experiment :-)

28 ... I blog mainly because I'm a bitlonely and need the contact. Bit sad, huh...

29 ...I feel that way a lot. It's kind of like I'm a little out of kilter with everyone else.

46 ... Because the mistaken belief is that all that technical stuff makes life easier, so therefore we should be able to get things done faster, so they load more work on us!

53 ... Because Walmart , these days at least, has a grubby feel about it..

My question...

Why is that everybody around me, seems to think I'm strong and someone they can lean on. Yet when I need someone to lean on, they aren't there or can't help me. Why can't people be there for me ?

Karen said...

BTW ... happy Birthday to your son!!! Hope he has a great day :-)

Katy Lin :) said...

i don't know the answer to many of those questions - the mortgage thing burns my biscuits, too. i think osama is dead in a cave somewhere, and we may never find him, and i read your blog bc you make me think and laugh and i love hearing about your fam! :) happy b-day to your son!

Christine said...

HA - I just clicked anonymous instead of putting in my info. Duh!!
Ahh, if someone had the answers to these questions, maybe, just maybe, we could find a bit of a better place to live. Hmm, the only one that I can truthfully answer is why are you reading this? And it is because you are a wonderful and amazing writer and I love the insight that you provide.

Amy said...

Very good questions. I could add many more, but I won't fill up your comment section with them :)

Elena said...

I wonder why about MANY of those things too. This world is a strange place. This was fun to read "Debbie's deep thoughts". (Remember those from SNL? I loved those things.)

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Why didn't I listen to my internal "Phony, phony, she's a phony" alert?

Is that one me? Cause you thought my name was Lizzy and it's really Beth? Or because no one could REALLY have the last name Beaver? Or....

Oh I hope it's not me....

And - on my old blog, last summer some time, a whole post was "I want to live in a country where Parris Hilton isn't the lead story on the Evening News."

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Why do I always feel like an outsider looking in anywhere I go including my own family?

I know that feeling... ALL too well. Come over, bring some dip (I typed drip first.. ha ha), I've got DC AND lemon, and we'll sit and bond and laugh REALLY hard and be insiders with each other. Kay?

Jenni said...

I ask a lot of these questions too. I love reading and writing blogs because I think people are more honest when they write. I find so many women I can relate to, that can inspire me. You are one of them. Thanks

MB said...

Why don't you like limes in your DC instead of lemons?

Why do you think everyone loves Oprah? Because Debbie, I don't love her either! Yay us!

Love the questions. I have a lot of pondering to do....

Kat said...

Why don't I return library books before I have a fine due?

Why do I still enjoy watching The Brady Bunch?

Why wasn't I more careful before opening a gallon of bleach yesterday?

Why was I wearing good clothes when I opened a gallon of bleach yesterday?

Why don't I get pedicures more often?

Why didn't I practice more restraint and self control in blogging so I wouldn't have to delete it?

Kat said...

I was just talking to Lula the other day about how I was working on a blog post about why I despise Oprah. And now I see that I am not alone in that at all. Maybe I don't need to do it at all. Or maybe I will. I hope you won't think its phony :-)

And I can soooo relate to feeling like an outsider. All the time.

Thank you for blogging. You always make me laugh. Or give me something to think about. Or both!

Happy birthday to your son!

Emily said...

I headed over from Angel's blog...(EEEEmommy)
I think I like it here! Your WHY post had me smiling and shaking my head in agreement...all along the way.

Some were deep.."Why does my husband love ME."
Some were goofy. "Why are boys so sweaty."
some were spot-on. "Why does time seem like it's flying by."

I'll be back. :)

Trish said...

Here's one.......

Why don't my in-laws, or anyone else in my husbands family, who live in the same town as us, make an effort to see our family or participate in my kid's life? I have no desire to take my kids to see their grandparents when all that happens is the kids get shuttled to the back bedroom to watch TV while the adults sit in the living room and watch TV.
If you want to be part of my kids' life then come to their soccer games, come play putt-putt golf with us when we invite you. Stop by and sit on our deck while my kids jump on the trampoline. Call and ask to take my kids to McDonalds for an ice ream cone. They need their grandparents MORE than you need to be in your recliner by 7pm.

Now, why don't I have the balls to put all that on my blog?

loved Dawson's Creek, hate Oprah, haven't read the vampire books and won't unless I win one from Lula, Haven't been to WalMart in over a year, don't vaccinate my kids, love the smell of my sweaty boys, dreading the start of school, ALWAYS buckle my children in the BACK seat, don't have two seconds to think about Paris Hilton (but am worried about the directions sweet little Miley is headed), I could be the mother of the boys who took the book from yours but I would have noticed and taken care of it before you had to step in, CANNOT stand the gross amount of money paid to athletes, guessing that your Man loves you because you are worthy, still seeking the answer to why my kids wait for me to yell before taking action also.

that's all i know.

Wish we were neighbors, cuz I'd eat girls scout cookies and potato chips with you while we discussed phoniness.

Tracy P. said...

-- Because you haven't given in to the reading glasses in Target's dollar section yet. I have. My question is, low profile or cute and sassy?

--The no response till the 5th time in the, uh, stern voice? Seriously!!!

--Oprah who??

--No kidding on the Webkinz!!

--Coffee tastes good with that yummy flavored creamer. But if you don't like it, it's one less thing to "need". Stick with your Diet Coke. With lemon.

--Outsider looking in...I'll chalk that up to "we're not Home yet". I'm SO with you!!

-- Don't even get me started on Brett Favre! I read a HILARIOUS post about him. I'll email it to you if I find it.

--Have you tried the girl scout Thin Mint blizzard at DQ? Huge chunks of thin mint cookies! Oh...gotta go!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, boy child!!!

Swirl Girl said...

Why do people put their tissue boxes on the back dashboard of the car - behind the rear passenger seats?

Why do I wake up every morning with that crud in my eyes?

Why do I bite my very fake and very expensive nails?

Gramma 2 Many said...

Why have Tricia and Gina not visited my blog to tell me Happy B-day?

Gramma 2 Many said...

Opps, and Happy B-day to your sweet "B-lolly Baby Boy" I am sure he does not consider himself a baby boy any longer, but he will always be.

a future and a hope said...

My feet grew 2 sizes after I had my kids. I heard once that it was 'cuz your arches flatten during pregnancy. Sounded plausible to me.

I miss Tim Russert, too!!! (and how impressive is his very eloquent son?) Tim was the only part of the election I was looking forward to. Ann Curry or Ann Coulter?? Ann Curry seems an odd choice to replace Katie since they didn't even pick her as a Today Show replacement.

Outsider? Me too.

Cussin? I hate it too - and there was so much of it at the County Fair last night. If only people realized how ignorant it made them sound. C'mon - there are so many other words out there!

Mamasphere said...

I am so over Oprah. Which is sad, because it means at one time I wasn't over her. But whatever. It's all good now.

Love your questions!

Anonymous said...

Love this post!! Funny!! ~Jill :)

Kelly said...

even scarier, WHY do I have all those same questions, seriously the SAME ones, especially the walmart one ...the target one ( don't you swear you are the only nice and considerate person in the store sometimes???? )
I can take a bloggin break and come back here and you are still right there thinking my same thoughts, thank God you share them and type them out unless I would feel soooooo alone.
Quick prayer for you for a stress free pediatric appt. tomorrow!

love ya and miss ya!!

ohhollyf said...

Noah wants to say, " Hi Mr. Kyle".
i have a jk 4 u, why did the pig cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the Chessecake factory!
Happy Birthday Kyle, Noah hopes u lile his joke.
Debbie, we miss seeing you in the pick-up line........

Anonymous said...

Wow......these are almost as good as Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts.....ok, his were just silly..anyway....

I DO NOT think Oprah is all that and a bag of chips either....I don't understand all the love she gets...weird....I doubt she was the "phony" you were referring to...but she probably is one.

I miss Tim Russert....there will definitely be a big hole in this election year covereage...NO ONE can fill it.....Especially Ann Curry...is she seriously on ANYONE's short list?

I'm not a fan of Paris Hilton either....

I don't know you, but I doubt that you are naive...you seem like you try to see the good in things and/or people....therefore, you want to give them a 2nd chance...a 3rd chance? 4th? I'm just guessing....

I'm with you on the coffe thing too...can't drink it...can't...

Hope your son has a wonderful birthday!!!

Sissy said...

Loved Dawson, but Joey shoulda picked him. And Jen, I could live without Jen.

Walmart...ugh. Shower is always needed.

The Vampire books are awesome. But awesome in that way that our husbands make us feel when they call us pretty. You know...it makes you tingle inside. That's how she writes. You forget he's a vampire and want him to love her. Like we want Jim to be with Pam. And like I will forever be grateful that Chandler loved Monica. It gave me hope. LOL.

HeathahLee said...

You just asked a lot of questions I have had rolling around in my head, only I didn' know it. Except for the one about why your husband loves you. I mean, why does my husband love me? Adore me? I can't for the life of me understand that one. About me, not you. : )

veronica said...

Okay, Debbie first of all way to much thinking going on for summer vacation and way to much time on your hands to come up with all of these questions!!! Secondly, your brain is moving way to fast and mine is starting to hurt! If I can't sleep tonight it is because of you that's who!! With all those thought provoking questions who is gonna sleep now. My kids are going to have to come to your house and play bcause they are going to have a tired and crabby mommy if I don't get any sleep tonight. Don't be surprised if they are sitting there in the morning!! hee,hee Now I think you should stop thinking so hard and go grab a big glass of wine and chill for awhile!! take care

Michelle said...

Oooo, good questions!

Clothes shopping is horrible because you never find something you need except if it's overpriced or not in your size. And they never look as good on you as you hope.

Never seen Oprah. Live in Chicago and could care less. You actually aren't alone.

If it makes you feel any better, Little Miss is going to the doctor on Friday. She turns 3 on Friday. Bummer of a birthday present, but ... it was that or the 18th and schools require the forms in by August 1, so... off we go!

Is it bad of me to be highly entertained by the Favre fiasco? As a Vikings fan, I'm absolutely loving it.

Really? The bathroom? And no one said anything? Really? Eww. Eww. Eww!

Jenkins said...

Ok, wow. I cannot imagine the daily thoughts in your head! And I am sure that you only let a select few out!
If only the world worked the way I wanted it to. It would be a much happier place, at least for me!

Caroline said...

Wow - where to do I begin? Maybe I should begin by saying the nerve of your son to have his birthday on my SITS day! Totally kidding. Happy Birthday little guy. Hope you had a great day with your fam. I do not heart Oprah, I think she's full of it and needs to be directed to some truth. Its sad actually.

Dawson's Creek - Mr. Baseballs fave show. He was so depressed when it went off of TBS. That was his fix. I think I'll get him the DVD's for his birthday.

Anonymous said...

i will ponder a lot of these questions that's for sure.

oh, and i'm giving you an award. LOL


HappyHourSue said...

Why is Brett Favre's name spelled Favre but everyone says "Farv"?

Jennifer P. said...

Funny, I was answering all these in my head--including why you couldn't decide on a flooring system--as I went along. But I don't think I could fit 50 answers in one post. But I do know everything--just so we're clear on that :)!

Of course there's one answer to all of them: BECAUSE I SAID SO!

Thanks for making me think.....again!

Happy Birthday Little Boy Blue (that's what he must be if your girl is LRRH!)

Jennifer P. said...

I couldn't get away without answering the Wal*Mart one---you have to shower because it smells like pee, disease, and popcorn chicken in there---and it just sinks into the pores!

Piggy said...

I don't ask questions anymore because my priorities in life are clear. I completed the Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI) in a leadership class. It helps you identify your motivation. I found out that when it comes to issues, I get involved if I am passionate about a topic. Otherwise, I don't really care.

Happy Birthday to the Prince!

Melissa said...

1. Oprah is not my friend.
2. Wal-Mart stinks. (You know how I feel about that one!)
3. Sports are a distraction to what going on in the rest of the world. I guess they get paid to distract us from reality. The devil is suave like that (not to give him too much credit)

A couple for you....
Why are me and hubby the only believers in our family?

Why are raccoons smarter than us?

Why did I agree to let my 7 year old stay with my MIL for 4 weeks? What was I thinking?

Why do I spend more time blogging that I do with Jesus?

What am I going to do about that?

Are people still going to visit my blog when I don't comment as much because I'm spending more time with Jesus?

Should I care?

Why does a pastor's wife(I'm not immune) struggle with this?

Am I getting too serious???

You're a great woman, Debbie. I'm so glad God sent you my way! You're a blessing, sister....!

Carolina Mama said...

Cake is the priority here! I mean your son and cake! ;) Enjoy!

Aubrey said...

Great Post! Things that made me go hmm...Why???

Happy Birthday to your Little Man!

Insane Mama said...

I really don't care what Oprah has to say either and I despise clothes shopping. And I have no idea WHY I blog either.

Megan B said...

Stoooop! My bladder isn't what it once was!!! That was way too funny!

-Bridget said...

Nope. I've got nothing to add to that. My nogging is already going to be chewin' on the questions you've got for the rest of the day. Nice job.

Madeleine's Mom said...

OMG! (as my daughter would say!) Your comment about Dad's letting your children under 12 sit in the front seat REALLY hit home for me! I can't tell you how many HUGE arguments my husband and I have had over him allowing my 9 year old (and even when she was younger!) sit in the front seat of his truck!!! I've even printed articles on the dangers of it out for him to read. Drives me crazy!!!

Louisa said...

Jenn from Dawson's Creek died!? What?!?! I stopped watching way too soon clearly...must confess I didn't get all the way through your question s though you had some pretty challenging ones in there. I clearly chose one of the more light-hearted one to comment on. Shallow. Sorry!

Lorie said...

All VERY good questions. I always feel like I need a shower after I go into a gas station. YUCK.

By the way, I'm de-lurking myself. Your blog is great, insightful and your kids are adorable.

I'm Lorie =)