Sunday, January 6, 2008

me and my "grumpy tongue"

I have had two outburts this week with my kids for which I have had to ask forgiveness for...and just leave it to the Lord to highlight the impact of my actions to me twice this week (one for each outburst!) via a friend's blog entry and via a daily devotional I have which goes as follows:

Heavenly Father,
Help me to remain in control of my emotions as I attempt to teach my children to gain control of their emotions. Remind me daily that children are a blessing and let me always be thankful for the privilege of being a parent. Amen

Ouch that hurt. How can I expect my kids to conduct themselves in a particular way when I am setting the (bad) example? It is the classic "Do as I say, not as I do." This parenting thing is hard...and I don't want to mess up...but when you hear your daughter's sassy voice echo the tone and temperment of yours (and not the sweet kind), it gives you pause to think "I am messing up here, and I don't like what I hear." Even more convicting is when I attempt to look and listen to my words and actions through their eyes and ears. It is painful to face up to the impact of my impatience or harsh tone (let's be honest, yelling) doesn't feel good. I grieve to think what my kids will grow up remembering about me...I can just hear them saying to their kids, "My Mom yelled." I, of course, will be tempted to pipe in that "I wouldn't have had to yell if you had listened and obeyed better"...but really, I am the hypocrite, because my "grumpy tongue," as I call it, is also causing MY disobedience to a thankfully, very merciful Heavenly Father. Why can't I look at my kids with that kind of mercy and patience when they have pushed me to my limits? Thankfully, the Lord has no such limits with those that glorify Him. The magnitude of His mercy is overwelming and something that I need to consider every time I get pushed to the point of opening my mouth with a "grumpy tongue." He doesn't yell at me in impatience, so why do I? I need to work on that this year....Check in later to see how I'm doing....


Anonymous said...

Oh Debbie, I have the same thoughts and actions you do. I feel so lousy after a battle with Kristen. She told me one day it hurts her heart when I yell, so that just tore me up. I am too am trying to be the parent God wants me to be and pray about it daily. Cathy

Zach and Julie said...

HUGS from Hungary. That is what Jesus would do, let you cry in his arms and let him comfort you with his presence. I think EVERY mother understands what you are feeling and it is a HUGE blessing that you want to listen to the Holy Spirit talking to you and not ignore it. It is easier to ignore conviction. Praise God you want to abide and your kids are going to be blessed because of it. Thanks for your honesty, I will be praying with you in this, God is gracious... thankfully :) I know that I NEED his grace daily, especially in parenting.
I was reading in this book that convicted me that I NEED to NOT be perfect for my kids so that they see we ALL need a saviour. What kids need are honest parents that show how they need Jesus too, see you model your imperfections and confess to the Lord. It will model a lifetime of obedience to the Lord and your kids will honor and respect you for it.
I am rambling...I am sorry. I pray any of this makes sense and you probably just needed to share without a response.... so sorry if that was the case.
HUGS julie

veronica said...

Debbie, I have had the same problem with my mouth. Sometimes no matter how hard I tell myself I will not yell at the kids today and I will try to be more patient, It doesn't turn out that way. Maybe I need to walk away sometimes before I yell and come back to it later. Good luck, I think this is something every mother struggles with. At least we know we are not alone in our struggle.

Debbie said...

My biggest problem is that I let it get to a point where I cannot control myself..I wish I could walk away. I get pushed to the brink and there is no turning back. I need to work on not letting it get to that point...and no we are not alone...this was a topic at my Bible study quite a few times and I was surprised at some of the women who also admitted to yelling at their kids..women I thought would never think of raising their voice made me feel like I wasn't odd man out, but it still isn't right...and I really need to work on was a good day though...maybe because I am praying about it!